How To Fix A Marriage Without Counseling

Any married couple will inevitably face turbulence within their relationship at some point. While many seek counseling, there are other alternatives to repair your marriage and give it that spark it once had.

While consulting with a marriage counselor can offer significant benefits, it’s OK to try and fix things on your own, and if that doesn’t work, seek professional help.

In this article, we’ll be looking at the best ways you can fix your marriage without counseling or professional help.

So read on to find out the steps you should consider to fix your marriage without the help of a marriage counselor.

Write each other a letter

Writing allows a person to flesh out their thoughts in a more reasoned and less emotional way. Writing on an emotional and deeply distressing experience has been proven to change your perception and calm the intense emotions connected to that experience. In fact, writing about traumatic experiences is one of the most effective ways of addressing PTSD.

It’s why marriage counselors usually ask their patients to write letters to each other on the problems they’re experiencing and how they feel about these issues.

It’s not uncommon for a simple discussion to devolve into a full blown screaming match. Writing eliminates loud voices and defensive emotions, giving you both the time to process your thoughts and how you’re feeling in an individual setting before bringing your concerns to the other person.

You may even feel like writing allows you to let go of so much of the emotional baggage you’ve been holding on to. It can feel like you’re finally able to purge negative emotions that were weighing you down.

Lastly, writing allows you to self-reflect and you may realize that you are the problem that is blowing a lot of issues out of proportion. Alternatively, putting your thoughts and issues on paper can help you realize that perhaps things have gone on for too long and it’s time to seek professional help.

Take a break

Seeing your partner after taking a break can remind you why you’re in a relationship in the first place and gives perspective to the issues you were fighting about. It is possible that time apart allows you to realize that many of your concerns were about trivial things that don’t really matter.

Sometimes there’s no serious issue between two people and the absence of the other allows you to collect your thoughts, and empathize with your loved one. As they say, ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder and you’ll more than likely remember why you enjoy spending time with your significant other in the first place.

Talk through your problems with another person

Behind closed doors, we feel comfortable with our significant other and will rarely self assess our words and actions. However, discussing your relationship’s issues with another person present pushes you to reconsider your perspective and how you could potentially be harming the relationship.

Having a trusted, neutral third party mediate your discussions holds both you and your significant other accountable for everything you say and do. It allows you to get a fresh set of eyes on the problem and an outside perspective on your relationship.

It’s not uncommon for couples to fall into the same unproductive patterns when addressing marital issues, but having a third person present changes the dynamic between you and your spouse, helping eliminate the negative patterns that result in flaring emotions and fierce arguments.

Just be sure that this third person is someone both you and your partner are comfortable with and know will take a neutral and understanding position to each person. It’s not easy to find someone you trust who can properly meditate on your troubled marriage, which is why you should consider a counselor who you know won’t pick sides.

Take a vacation and change your environment

The environment you both live in could be what’s causing strain on your relationship. Taking a vacation together can alleviate some of the pressure your relationship is under and help you realize what was creating the contention. It can also be a great opportunity to draw up a plan of action to address the situation once you get back.

It’s very common for tension in a relationship to result from the stresses of everyday life. Changing up these patterns to something entirely different can break a monotonous routine and give you a chance to reset. Without work, chores, and other responsibilities to think about, you can focus on reconnecting with your spouse and working through your problems in less stress inducing environment.

Pick up a new hobby together

It is important to remember that it is not you against your spouse, but rather the two of you against the problem. As such, team building exercises are an effective way to develop synergy and re-establish trust between you and your partner.

A great way to do this is by picking up a new hobby with your partner. Whether it’s cooking, learning a new skill, exercising, or any other fun pastime, by doing it together, you and your partner will become closer and more in tune with one another.

It is necessary to find some common ground and take up a hobby that both you and your spouse can enjoy. Otherwise, it may cause resentment between the two of you and end up exacerbating the problem.

Moreover, it is essential that you make an effort to have fun. The whole point of this exercise is to help you rediscover why you and your partner decided to get married in the first place. If you can take the time to let down your guard and do something constructive with your spouse, it is great practice for tackling marital problems as a team and you are well on your way to a happier, more fulfilling marriage.


If there are issues in your marriage it never hurts to try out counseling. However, if you want to attempt to solve these issues yourselves there are a number of ways you can approach this.

If you’re in the New York area and struggling with your marriage. Reach out to Eclectic Psychotherapy and we would be more than happy to help.

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